Vote me for Emperor.

[[GG]SirDabrowski]

After watching the debate earlier tonight (Yeah, it's like 0412 where I live. Win.), I've got to say our choices in the next Presidential race are kind of slim. We can either vote for a Communist, or some guy who will keel over in the first term and leave us with:



Mind you, I'm all for women with guns. I mean, I bought my girlfriend a (fake) gun for her birthday, so I'm all for that. I just think she's a little too bonkers and "Hi, I'm Sarah Palin. I'm going to ignore what you just said and rant about how I love Joe-Six Pack America." She's cool, I'll give you that. But, I want her to be my hot teacher, not my hot president.

And then we've got, "LET'S ROLL OVER FOR RUSSIA AND DOWNSIZE OUR ARMY TO APPEASE THEM" over here:



So, in lieu of being run by a nursing home retiree, or a Communist, I decided that America's best choice for the next election year would be your's truly: Me. Now, I don't intend on running for President -- I'm too great for something like that. Afterall, I'm still youthful. I could pass my genius and strength on to the next generation by becoming something so much more than President.

Emperor.



Now, many of you will say, "WELL, SIR DABROWSKI, THAT'S GREAT AND ALL, BUT DOESN'T OUR CONSTITUTION PROHIBIT THAT?"

Well, no it doesn't. Mainly because I say it doesn't. The Constitution is a piece of paper. I am a man. A man made of fire, steel, and carbon. More carbon and fire than steel, but enough steel to jab communists in the eyes with. My American Empire Party (Because that sounds like such an awesome name.) will be the best Party in the world. It'll even beat that stupid Communist Party that gets held every four years and falls flat on it's face, because only four guys in sweaters show up faking Russian accents.

www.luckythreadz.com/large/images/the_communist_party_large.gif/

My first priority of Emperor of the United States will be to increase the size of our merchant fleet. About 2% of the world's merchant fleet is comprised of US-flagged ships. Most of the ships in our docks are Chinese, Korean, or Rhodesian or some shite. This is crazy. This is unacceptable. If our Navy can be the size of the rest of the world's navies combined, we can have a merchant fleet that stomps the rest of the world in to the ground.

I mean, we're just depriving the world of good US sailing men when we have a merchant fleet the size of the Fire Department of New York's ship fire/rescue fleet. The world is falling behind in it's import of "awesome" from the United States. A few sailors in a few ports will help spread the infection that is "American Win" to women in foreign countries.

Secondly, I am all-behind nuking the shite out of Russia. Seriously. Who the Hell let these bastards back out of their cages? I mean, honestly. They invade a small country that is our "ally" and we sit on our pointed-objects, cry, then point hysterically at the bad bear and tell him to go back home. We totally gave our ally up for dead and wouldn't help them in the least. Sure, we sent food aid and transported Georgian soldiers back from Iraq, but that was mostly after the fighting was over with.

The Emperor of the United States will keep the United States' word in all agreements. We will not break our word, unless you break your's. We will be the pillar of shining achievement and moral fiber in the world. If you don't like us, that's because the stick is up your ass. Not our's.

Russia managed to gain control of the second oil pipeline in to Europe and American citizens were too busy watching that goofy-looking swimming guy gain more gold medals in a week than most men whack off in a week.


Speaking about that shite-eating bastard, he is totally banned from the United States. It's all smiles and grins when you promote the USA in a country known for tying retarded children to seats and forgetting about them, but it's another thing advertising that country's language program on our television sets. No. Just, no. No one in the United States needs to learn Chinese, Michael Phelps. Go be a sleeper in China, you don't need to be a domestic sleeper in the United States.

Oh, and cut out the Gatorade commercials. I don't want to see your lanky ass on the television. For real. You're banned. STFU GTFO.


There will also be no more remakes of movies from the 80's. Hollywood is ruining them and they need to stop. I will guillotine any director who defies my law.


Each week on Sunday, after everyone goes to Church and worships their own God, or sits at home and plays video games, every man, woman, and child will have to sit down and watch a television special: It will be about American heroes. It will be about men like George Washington, Robert E. Lee, Sergeant York, and Doc Holliday. If you do not watch these programs, you will be forced to work in sewers for the rest of your life. Or you will be booted to China. Seriously, take pride in the people who gave so much so you can sit around all day and worship Obama like he's some kind of demi-God.


Emperor Norton I will be forever remembered as the First Emperor of the United States of America. You will learn his name by heart. You will also worship his good character and moral fiber.




Congress will be disbanded. There will be no more Congress. Congress is the most useless thing since Britney Spears. They both are getting fat, old, bald, and unpopular. I think in the recent polls, the US population would rather see Britney Spear's shake her belly than listen to the United States Congress debate one more bill to death before voting to give $700 billion to old, rich, white guys.

Instead, the United States will be just that: A bunch of United States. Each state will have a vote. One vote, I don't care if one state has more people than the other, STFU. All this fairness crap got us in the mess we're in right now. Shut up. Each state will be able to choose their own laws, with minimal federal involvement. Each state will pay a tax towards the funding of the military and administrative costs for the Emperor.

The IRS will be gotten rid of. As well as the Federal Reserve. Our monetary note will be based off of gold, because I have a lot of that. Shut up and get over it. There will be no federal taxes on individual citizens. Each state will take care of that. States will pay less tax/more tax depending on population size and amount of pregnant doging they do in a year. States will have to take care of themselves and the Federal government will keep the bad foreign people away. Like it was supposed to do way back when.


Speaking of old, rich, white dudes and copious amounts of money: If a corporation fails in the United States, it fails. There will be no more buy-outs. The Emperor of the US is not going to cover your ass because you're a moron. You went to a billion years of school to be a CEO and make $40,000,000 a year. You should be able to take care of yourself and your company. If you can not, I will not help you. Neither will the states. There will be a, "We Shant Not Bail Out Thine Douchebags" law.


No more umbrella laws will be passed, except for obvious ones like "Don't commit murder", "Don't have sex with your sister", and "Thieving shite that don't belong to you is bad." There will be no nation-wide internet laws or censorship laws. There will be no censorship laws, period. The internet is free game, get over it. The internet will not be taxed. You can do whatever you want, we don't care. Just try and expand the arts and sciences once in a while, instead of your own porn collections, okay?

On that subject, there will be no more "Net Nanny" programs or "Television Blocking" programs. The Emperor of the United States will force you to watch your children. You are going to have to suck it up and start acting like parents instead of spoiled kids who had their children too early. (Which is probably true, but that doesn't make you immune to the law. Get over it, put your phone up, STFU, and watch your kids.)


The Congressional building will be demolished. Except for the library -- instead, the Library will be renamed "The Library" and all book rentals will be free. Any "Presidential Library" will be renamed, unless that President was a Certified Hero. If he/she was, it will stand.



As you can see, my ticket is infinitely superior to both Senator Obama and Senator McCain's tickets. My view-points are ethical and understandable. Remember to write me in when you turn in your ballot.

[[GG] Lord General Store]

The funny thing about all of this is that if the US hadnt gone off the gold standard in the first place, they wouldnt be in the mess that they are in. So you make sense there.

[[GG]Buxford]

Hello Maddox.

McBama (my term for them, there's barely any difference between the two) sucks.

And I would gladly vote for the empire party; all of what you propose is how the founders (except for Hamilton, that bastard) envisioned the United States.

Oh yeah, and this will be our theme song:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bzWSJG93P8

[[GG]Buxford]

And Gold standard ftw.

Actually, your AEP platform is nearly identical to this man's:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBVB1Uc0nko

Epic win. To bad the old Republican schiesters didn't nominate him for president instead of the semi-socialist old fart McCain.

[[GG]SirDabrowski]

I will also enact a new policy of mine that I know will prove popular: The STFU or GTFO Policy.

You see, in this country, 99.4% of the urban youth population is filled with morons who complain about the United States and say it's the worst country in the world. They all want to go to Japan, Korea, the UK, or some shite. That's all fine and dandy. You can pregnant dog about this country all you like -- you can make a pregnant dog train and call it a porno for all I care. But, don't go around saying you're going to defect to Japan to have sex with cartoon characters because you despise the United States.

Under my administration, if you complain about the US and wish to live somewhere else: So be it. The United States will fund your new citizenship in one of three countries of your choice: Iran, Cuba, or France. You do not have any other choices. You will not be allowed to leave your new country of choice. We will make sure of that.


Burning the flag dishonorably will be instant imprisonment with hard labor with possible treason charges. You don't have to agree with the Emperor of the United States, but you certainly have to respect our past and the people who founded our nation. You were born here, chances are we're paying for your school, and chances are you're on "Passport", or some shite, and we're paying for your fake "Chest Pain" hospital visit so you can get some pain medicine.


Speaking about social healthcare -- it is not happening. It will never happen. The Federal Government will not be responsible for you not being responsible. You wouldn't need federal healthcare if you had a job. Insurance may be ridiculously expensive by yourself, but that's tough, you're going to have to deal. This is how life is. You no longer have income taxes or social services taxes, so you can afford it now. Congratulations, I'm happy I've simplified your lives.


The Federal government is going to default on it's debt. Seriously. There is no way in Hell anyone can pay off $100 trillion of debt, or whatever. Nobody else in the world would pay that off, so neither are we. If that means China is going to spazz out, or whatever, that's fine by us.

Well, let me take that back. We'll default on our debt if the creditor happens to be countries that are known for burning down religious establishments and murdering children. Yeah, we're not going to give your money back, China. Sorry.


The Federal Reserve will be shipped to an island. We will dub this island "Manhattan." We shall make a really good movie about it.

[[GG]Lord von Döbeln]

Mmm you have an interesting take on Communism Dab if Obama is a communist... ;D

And don't make fun at Mrs Palin!! She DOES have foreign policy experience - You CAN actually see Russia from Alaska on a clear day....

[GG]LvD

[[GG]SirDabrowski]

Ideal communism, where man is free to pursue the arts and sciences at his whim is a good thing. Unfortunately, communism usually comes seeped to the brim with socialism and is quickly corrupted -- so the government decides everything and interferes in everything that happens. If a pin drops, the government is there to see it happen. Obama is pro-big government. He wants to expand the federal government. That is a step towards socialism/communism. Though he may not be a "true" communist in the sense that he probably doesn't want us ruled by a dictator/commune, he still is urging us step-by-step towards it.

Which is why I don't like him.

I can see Eastern Kentucky on a clear day, does that make me an expert in inbreeding?

[[GG]Buxford]

Liberty, d**nit.

Obama, Biden, Palin, McCain, Congress, and the rest of the American ruling class are against it. Therefore, they suck.

[[GG]Lord von Döbeln]

One final post before I withdraw from further political debate for all too many resasons.

Sweden had a social democratic government for about 80 years all in all of the 1900's and considering the quality of life in Sweden (including free health care for everyone, free schools including books, lunch etc, 18 months payed maternity leave which can also be used by the father, low crime rates, a decent (it has been better) social welfare system [which seems to be all bad to you guys, however IMO it is the duty of a civilized society to care for those unable to care for themselves for whatever reason], one of the highest living standards in the world according to numerous studies etc.) it seems to me it worked pretty well (no I'm not a social democrat). That is one view on "socialism" but everyone is of course entitled to his or her own view in the matter. And I must say I prefer that to the "dog-eat-dog survival of the strongest" system (my opinion and NOT offered as an absolute truth in any way) that you promote in you bid to become emperor (weird that someone who claims to be all for liberty and freedom wants to become emperor to impose his opinions on every one else by force - that is the epitomy of non-democracy and non-freedom IMHO). Considering how my life has looked the last 20 or so years I would probably be living on the street or dead in your ideal world, and obviously you'd be glad to see me there and think I deserved it...

[GG]LvD

[[GG] Lord Ashram]

Dab, you are a total communist! Being able to complain about America is about as American as can be. Love it or leave it? Very Iran.

Some of the other parts were amusing tho, and there are a few I agree with.

And let's not talk about Palin...

[[GG]SirDabrowski]

I'm not serious about being Emperor. I am serious about disbanding Congress and all that, though.


I was way too vague when I was talking about social healthcare -- in our country, we have disability and "free health insurance" for the poor who don't have jobs. I am all for disability. If it is impossible for you to work, then it is impossible for you to work. However, in the United States, the free insurance gig is abused every day. Since I have my EMT certification, I'll work for EMS every now and then. I see abuse of the system every day. It is ridiculous the amount of tax payer dollars go towards, "I have chest pain" hospital visits when the person is just fine.


I'm all for complaining about America. That's what I did in my previous two posts. I'm opposed to people whining and then saying they're going to move to another country. I'm just helping provide their transport. It just might not be a country they want to go to.


Speaking of the poor -- If you are a Church and you build an establishment the size of a small sports stadium, you're going to start being taxed. You are obviously receiving so many funds that you can build that Church that looks more like a prison, than a church. Churches do not need buildings like that. As a Catholic, I'm glad our church seems to have learned it's lesson a couple hundred years ago.

[[GG]Buxford]

Oct 17, 2008 8:38:46 GMT -5 [GG]Lord von Döbeln said:

Sweden had a social democratic government for about 80 years all in all of the 1900's and considering the quality of life in Sweden (including free health care for everyone, free schools including books, lunch etc, 18 months payed maternity leave which can also be used by the father, low crime rates, a decent (it has been better) social welfare system [which seems to be all bad to you guys,

A few points.

Economically, democratic socialism is no better than socialism or even communism, for several reasons. One, centralized control of the means of production (such as in the Soviet Union), or government control over anything (such as Health care in Sweden, Britain, schools in the United States, etca), has been proven to, how should I put this simply, NOT WORK, by many prominent economists. Without a price system (ie a profit/loss), through which entrepreneurs are alerted to the demands of consumers, there is no rational way for them (the government) to allocate resources. They are blind to the the wants and needs of consumers, and they can't possibly allocate resources efficiently. Eventually (it might take a century) the system will break down. Look at the Soviet Union for any more vindication. (This is valid economics; I'm not just pulling this stuff out of my a*s*s. The Austrian school and the Chicago school of economics both hold to this view.)

Now, how does this relate to us? Well, nationalized, government controlled Health Care, schools, etc is essentially complete government control of the means of production in those areas. They cannot rationally allocate resources, because they cannot rationally predict consumer demands, which eventually leads to a breakdown of the system.

Again, it might take forever, but the system, not being able to allocate resources rationally anyway, will increasingly become more bureaucratic, unresponsive and callous to consumer wants and needs, eventually breaking down (most likely in the form of a coup or revolution, as in Russia). Look at American public schools (which are HIGHLY centralized, more so than the European public schools); in short, they're turning the American population into dumb asses, and the American public can't do a thing about it. In Britain and Canada, they've resorted to rationing, a direct result of making something "free," which artificially increases demand, creating great shortages; rationing is the obvious government reaction to shortages (it's worth noting here that there would be no rationing in a free market; only higher prices).

Now, please don't point to America's health care system as proof that "free markets" in health care doesn't work; America's health care is NOT a free market. Excessive regulations and government interference make America's healthcare almost as nationalized as Britain's and Canada's. It's also really f**king expensive.

This is, of course, mostly ignoring the fact that a monopoly (including a government monopoly) in ANYTHING, because there's no competition, creates inefficiency, inflated prices, and callousness towards consumer demands.

And it ignores the moral argument, which I will touch on briefly below.

however IMO it is the duty of a civilized society to care for those unable to care for themselves for whatever reason],

Indeed, but not through coercion or the use of government force and threats (ie taxation). Charity cease to be charity when it's done at the point of a gun. It's little more than government sanctioned theft. This applies to ANYTHING the government gets involved in as well, including health care and, especially, welfare. As John C. Calhoun, an early American statesman (and one of my favorites) put it, "The tax consumers live off of the tax payers."

one of the highest living standards in the world according to numerous studies etc.)

I would like to contest that. If the entire Swedish population lived in the US, a third of them would be below the American poverty line.

I know money isn't everything, but money is a good way to judge standard of living.

And I must say I prefer that to the "dog-eat-dog survival of the strongest" system (my opinion and NOT offered as an absolute truth in any way)

I don't think that's what he and I advocate. We just believe that government coercion shouldn't be the answer to everything. Government literally shite's in everything it gets involved in (I can provide an almost infinite number of examples), and we believe the free market is MUCH more efficient in helping the poor and needy, for reasons I've already expounded on above. I mean, just compare private churches and the Red Cross to FEMA and Welfare.

(weird that someone who claims to be all for liberty and freedom wants to become emperor to impose his opinions on every one else by force - that is the epitomy of non-democracy and non-freedom IMHO).

I think that was the joke, aka irony, sarcasm, satire, etc.

Considering how my life has looked the last 20 or so years I would probably be living on the street or dead in your ideal world, and obviously you'd be glad to see me there and think I deserved it...

Nah, in OUR America you wouldn't have half your income taken by the government. You would be twice as rich as you are now!

[[GG]SirDabrowski]

Oh, Von, also just wanted to say -- I'm sorry if I offended you. Nowhere in my post did I mean to.

As Flippy would say,

I LAFF YOU!

[[GG]Buxford]

Yeah, no offense intended. I don't know why, but people get all pissed when we discuss politics, which they shouldn't. Discussion of this stuff is important.

And flippy.....ich.

[[GG]SirDabrowski]

MOTHER f**kER I SAID DON'T CALL NATIVES INDIANS, THAT'S NOT WHAT WE AAAAARREEEEEEE!!!!1111!! YOU ARE DESTROYING THE VERY FABRIC OF NATIVE LIFE WHEN YOU DO THAT!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY OF US DIED! YOU ALSO HAVE NO IDEA HOW WHITE I AM!